Cleaning My Closet
by Whoa Tamo
Summary: A look into Draco Malfoy's family, secrets and emotions. Please R and R! SLASH in the future.
1. Hiding

Summary- When the world gets tough, the tough get scared. Are you confused? I bet. A look inside Draco's family.  
  
Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter! If I did I would be so fucking rich.........  
  
Part One- Hiding  
  
It's always been like this...a large house, a rich and respected family, good manners with exquisite things and a line of purity that has never been broken. My life has always been like this, but only on the outside; on the inside, we were all scratched and dirty with skeletons overflowing the closets. No one gets to see our lives as it really is...we're always wearing our best on the outside so people don't try to see our filthy insides.  
  
To begin, I can hear them fighting again. Them, of course, being Lucious and Narcissa Malfoy...my parents. My mum is drunk again' her voice is slurring heavily and I can hear her stumbling around. My father is being as low as he can, but I can hear him hitting her...she keeps letting out drunken cries of pain. Fuck they're loud...I'm at the other end of the house in my room and I can hear them.  
  
By my side sitting upon the bed is Nevra...her back is shaking, and I think she's crying. Oh, right...you wouldn't know who Nevra is, now would you? Nevra is my older sister; she's always here because she was born with chronic depression and bi-polar syndrome. Well, my father is also ashamed of her...  
  
When Nevra was eight years old, she stood up to my father and declared that she did not want to be a Death Eater. Our father put her into Azkaban for a year, then released her only to find that she became even more depressed then before and refused to speak to him. He decided at this time to have her home-schooled by a private tutor, and that Nevra would be disowned when she was ready to leave.  
  
That was twelve years ago.  
  
Nevra's afraid of the outside world and people she doesn't know; she refuses to walk outside of our home because she's convinced that our father won't let her come back in. Mum took up drinking when Nevra stopped talking to her, and then had a nervous breakdown when she stopped leaving her room all together. Now that I think of it, this is the first time Nevra has come into my room by her own will power. After all, I'm the only person she trusts.  
  
My sister is looking at me now...I think she's about to say something. Ah yes, she's talking to me about the good old days...  
  
"I remember when they didn't fight...and when mum didn't drink...I wish you remembered, too...they were good times." Nevra always looks so sad she when talks to me; I think she thinks it's her fault that our family is messed up. I think she loves me more then our parents, and to tell the truth I love her more then them as well. Hmm...she's speaking again... "Would you like a hug, Dra Dra?"  
  
I can't help but smile at that, even with all the other shit going on. To tell the truth, I don't want a hug, and I don't like my childhood nickname, but I want to please her. "Why don't I hug you, Nev?" Oh I love this. Her eyes finally have a happier look in them then they've ever had before.  
  
Oof! Nevra has pushed me down onto the bed and is lying on me with my arms folded around her. She loved holding me like this when I was younger and I would drift into her room. In all honesty, I can understand why; her warm body and steady breathing is very comforting to me, and I can't hear my parents any longer. Now looking down at her dyed purple hair, I run my hands through her locks and feel her grip around my neck loosen as she's calming down.  
  
At times like this, I wish I could clean out my closet and let everyone know my darker secrets...secrets about my sister, our parents, my feelings...ugh, not again! I'm thinking about my feelings!  
  
I have deep feelings for people, and the deepest feeling is love...and not just for my sister. In actuality, I'm in love with someone at Hogwart's, and only my sister knows...and she found out by accident (She heard me talking to Dobby about it, but all Dobby understood was that I had 'respect' for a certain someone...that house else never had a chance in understanding love with my family).  
  
As if Nevra can read my thoughts (Which at times I swear she can do) she looks up at me and smiles with a mischevious smirk on her face. "So...how was school this year? Did you finally tell you-know-who about you-know-what?" The smirk has widened...oh no, she's going to tease me. "Dra Dra, you should tell him already...you know, tell him how hot you think he is and how you dream of him and-" I have my hand on her mouth now, but she's biting into it. Fuck, she's making me bleed.....  
  
I look back down at her with my pathetic love-struck face on. "He doesn't like me that way, Nev...he doesn't like me at all. Besides, I don't think I love him anymore." Ouch. That really hurt to say.  
  
Nevra's twirling my silver hair around her finger...dear Merlin she knows I'm lying. She keeps looking at me with those damned eyes of hers; she has the eyes that stare into your soul. Why does she torture me like this? She knows I'm bloody well lying......yet she's not going to say anything, I know it. Sometimes I wonder why she does this shit to me......she knows more about me then anyone else could, yet she never acknowledges it.  
  
I also wonder why she taunts me about my love. She always says crap like 'I thought Malfoy's weren't allowed to love', and 'Don't you love me anymore?'........oh fuck..........that's it.....she wants all of my love......  
  
She reads my mind again and says "If you don't love him, then you can just send some extra love my way..."  
  
I stare down at her while she looks back up at me with those bewitching eyes. "Nevra, I love you more then anything, you know that.....I just sometimes.......you know......love other people, too."  
  
Her expression is that of a betrayed and dying soul. Fuck, why does she have to be this selfish? Is it in our blood to act like this?  
  
She's getting up from her spot on me and is now leaving my room in a very quiet and rejected way. As soon as she leaves I can hear them again.  
  
My closet is full of skeletons.  
  
So, wot did you people think? I know, I know, I wasn't nice enough to specify who he loves (though I was quite kind and specified it was a male) and you people are probably having trouble adjusting to Draco's sister and affections of so much sibling love......but that's how it is with me and my brother, we love each other tons but it's all platonic. Erf, why am I babbling? Anyway, there of course will be more....that is, if you review. Oh, and if you ask very nicely, I will write the next chapter in the view of Draco's secret looove. Well, go on then, review! 


	2. Impossible!

Summary- When the world gets tough, the tough get scared. Are you confused? I bet. A look inside Draco's family. NOTE- This chapter is being written through the eyes of Draco's love.  
  
Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter, but if I did I would be filthy stinking RICH.  
  
Part Two- Impossible!  
  
I've never really liked staying in this house, but now I hate it. Why do I have to be here when the owner is dead? It's depressing is what it is. To make matters worse, I think I sleepwalk, because I don't really know where I am this morning. Then again, I could have had a bit too much to drink last night- I can never be sure these days.  
  
I open my eyes and am immediately blinded by light streaming through a large and ornate window located directly above me. Where the hell am I? I turn my head to the right and see a large, slightly dusty desk, then turn my head to the left and see the tapestry. The Oldest and Most Noble House of Black.....weren't they just so modest? I crawl over to the tapestry in a haze, sit down before it and wipe the sleep from my eyes. Ugh......whatever I did last night, I will never do again.  
  
Looking at the tapestry gives me a weird feeling in my chest. I feel lonely, angry, depressed.....but on the other hand, I feel relieved, at ease, and above all I feel like he's still with me. I gaze at the names on the tapestry, noting the many spots where names were burnt off. Sirius and Tonks are among them.....then I see the names that are still etched on in gold. Bellatrix Lestrange and her sister Narcissa Malfoy are two I can't really stand to see. Out of familiarity my eyes wander to the Malfoy's once more and I trace the line leading from Narcissa to Lucius, then down to their little brat....my hand reaches a splotch of dirt.  
  
I wonder why we never noticed this cleaning.....I guess Sirius never noticed, and neither did anyone else. Odd.....I've looked at this quite a few times, but I never noticed it before, either. I grab a hold of my sleeve with my hand and rub the dirt off of the family tree with the bit of sleeve in my hand. I look at the bit of tapestry I cleaned and am astounded at what I see.  
  
It could always be that Sirius' mum missed her target.....right?  
  
I mean it couldn't POSSIBLY be what I think it is.  
  
....It certainly looks like she hit the right spot...I mean, there's still a little golden line attached to the scorch mark.  
  
Right beside Draco Malfoy sits a scorch mark......it's still absolutely absurd, right? I mean why in the world would there be two Malfoy children? There's only one. Just one obnoxious Malfoy child...right? I mean there's absolutely no way that there are any others......it's a known fact there's the Malfoy son, and that's it. No more, zero, nadda.  
  
And besides, why in the world would Sirius' mum burn off one of the Malfoy children (though I refuse to believe there is more then one)? I mean it makes no sense whatsoever! The Malfoy's are a foul family of Death Eaters, so wouldn't she absolutely adore them? This wasn't making any sense....none at all.  
  
I stand up from my position on the slightly moldy floor and head over to a bookshelf full of photo albums and the like. It can't be......it simply is not possible! I open up an album that looks fairly old and sit on the floor again, searching through it. I'm absolutely disgusted to see that this album is full of pictures from what looks like Bellatrix's wedding day. It seems as though Narcissa Malfoy is there, and so is Lucius.....so they were probably already married. I frantically search through the album for anything that could prove me wrong...anything at all! I stop when I see a picture of the entire family standing around Bellatrix and her new husband.  
  
That's when I see it.  
  
Right between Narcissa Malfoy and Lucius Malfoy.....a child. Granted, it could be Draco Malfoy, but I highly doubt it.....the child's wearing a dress and it has ribbons in their hair. A girl. The possibility that it was someone else's daughter isn't very likely, but it's still too hard to believe the Malfoy's have two children.  
  
I can deffinately see the resemblance between the girl and her parents.....her features are sharp, but not as sharp as Lucius or Narcissa. She has extremely light blonde hair as well as pale skin, and her eyes are an electric blue/silver. I glance around the picture and see Sirius' mum, who looks very pretty, but none-the-less strict. Beside her is her husband, looking very dignified yet bored at the same time, and on her other side....is Sirius. He looks extremely bored and restless, and it's pretty obvious he was dragged along to this little get together by his family. He looks very handsome, as he always did, but he has a deep frown on his face instead of the goofy grin he's wearing in his other pictures.  
  
"Ron? Is that you?" I slam the book shut in surprise and turn around to see Hermione standing in the doorway looking concerned. I give her a weak smile and a small wave. "Oh, it's you, Harry. Are you all right? You had quite a bit to drink last night."  
  
I drank last night? I'll buy that.  
  
Hermione walks further into the room and gives me a quizzical look. "Harry, it's time for breakfast...let's go." With this said she leaves me alone with the album and my thoughts.  
  
I sigh heavily and put the album back onto the bookshelf. Perhaps I'll go ahead and eat, then come back to this later. My head needs some clearing up very badly, and frankly everything that's happened this morning and just making my condition far worse. I head out of the study and head down the stairs to the kitchen, where I'm greeted by the Weasley's, Hermione, Mad Eye Moody, Tonks, Crookshanks and....Professor Snape? I suppose he came by to give The Order some information. I wish he weren't here....I still have bed hair and I'm dressed in my clothes from the night before. I take my seat across from Hermione but beside Ron (like I always do) and begin to munch away at a buttered English muffin. Mr. Weasley is reading The Prophet and he's sipping what looks like tea. I chomp into my English muffin once more and nearly choke on it when I see the front page of The Prophet.  
  
MYSTERIOUS HAPPENINGS AT MALFOY MANOR.  
  
I take a large sip of water to control my coughing, then I turn to Mr. Weasley. "Mr. Weasley, what's going on with the Malfoy's?"  
  
Mr. Weasley looks up from the paper and gives a confused look before his face sets into that of understanding. "Oh! Well, they only got what was coming to them! They found a servant girl locked away in a bedroom during The Ministry's monthly search and they think she may be insane. Right now she's at Saint Mungo's, but I doubt she'll be there long. Yep...I bet they'll move her to the mental institute soon enough."  
  
Hermione and Ron have slightly interested looks on their faces (actually, Ron looks like he just found buried treasure...my guess is he plans on using this bit of information against Malfoy somehow), but I know I must look nervous. Something tells me that servant girl was something much more then that. I sneak a glance around the table to see if anyone else was listening in, only to be greeted by the onyx eyes of my Potion's professor. Snape looks like he's quite fascinated by this bit of information, and I'm starting to wonder if maybe he knows as much-if not more-then I do.  
  
Well, what did you all think of this chapter? I hope you all liked it.....I liked writing it. It was a major change from other things I write. If you would like to check out my other work, then please do! I have two other stories in the HP section, and they are 'Muggle Mania' and 'Waste'. Be sure to read them if you want humor and slashy goodness. Now let me see....ah yes, I would like to thank my beautiful reviewers, whom I LOVE because I worked very, very hard on the first chapter of this story.  
  
The Interpretive Telephonic Reader!- Lolo Chris! I love this name! You read the first chapter to me over the phone....you will not believe how much that made my day. I know, the first chapter (and this one for that matter) end WAY too soon, but frankly I like it like that.  
  
Bryjin- Lolo! I don't understand it either! If you hex them, can I have their remains? Please? Lolo!  
  
Kairi009- Thank you, you rock! I'm glad you really really liked this so far, and I hope you really really like the next chapter! Hee, ja ne! 


	3. You're So Great

Summary- When the world gets tough, the tough get scared. Are you confused? I bet. A look inside Draco's family. NOTE- This chapter uses the song 'You're So Great' by Blur. Also, this chapter takes place into the school year.  
  
Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter, but if I did that would so very much rock.  
  
Authoress Ramblings- Wow.....I've actually gone on to make a third chapter. Scary, non? Anymoose, I'm glad I've gotten some response for my story.....I really am. I still wish more people would please read it, but I guess I'll deal...... ::le sigh:: Oh, I would like to apologize to Kairi099 for misspelling your name in the last chapter. I tend to do that....not on purpose or anything, but....well it just happens, right? Well, this chapter I think I'm going to write in first person through Draco's eyes again. Yep. Boy do I like Blur. Blur Blur Blur....I think I am going to write something using Blur in my other story 'Muggle Mania', as they have excellent songs for singing whilst you are horribly drunk. Anyhow, read on!  
  
Part Three- You're So Great  
  
She was transported into Azkaban before I had a chance to say 'goodbye'. It's not entirely that I miss her-trust me, I do-I'm more worried about her then anything else. How can I go on with life knowing my own flesh and blood is locked behind a cell? She's been there before, and it ruined her once....I don't think she could handle it twice. Could she? No, why am I trying to kid myself? She's as good as gone now......there's nothing more to be done then to hope she's pitied and left alone. I doubt that, though......there are a lot of enemies to the Malfoy name in Azkaban.  
  
Crabbe and Goyle tried to cheer me up again today by bringing me some candy from their trip to Hogsmeade. I didn't really feel like eating it so I threw it out. I think it would be cruel of me to lounge about on my bed eating sweets while my sister is probably screaming herself mute in Azkaban. So, instead of eating the sweets, I decided to try a bit of moloko with knives....unfortunately, I could only get a hold of the moloko, as no one seems to be 'bad' enough to have the knives bit with them. After that I decided to go ahead and just have a White Russian after I found the vodka (my fellow Slytherins and I keep stashes of alcohol under loose floor boards, even though I don't think Professor Snape minds much that we drink). Anyhow, I mixed the moloko with the vodka to get myself a cheap version of the White Russian (you usually make it with cream of some sort, not moloko) and drank it down. It wasn't until about seven of those later that I wandered off. I'm not sure how but I must have wound up in Hogsmeade, because I apparently fell asleep out thee and woke up earlier this morning with a bleedin' horrid headache.  
  
Sad, drunk and poorly Sleeping really late Sad, drunk and poorly  
  
Not feeling so great  
  
So here I am now, walking around with a bit of a buzz still and getting sour looks from everyone I pass. Is it because I slept drunk on the street last night....or because of that bloody article in The Daily Prophet? I'm not sure to tell the truth, but I do know they're giving me some very nasty looks. Looking around I don't really know where the bloody fuck I am, though I'm pretty sure I've wandered off near 'The Hog's Head'. Maybe I drank there last night....I'm not positive as to what I exactly did to tell the truth.....all I really know is that I need to get back to Hogwarts and right away. On my way around I've seen a lot of shady looking people, a few of them on the pretenses of walking mangy looking dogs, though I'd give my life's savings that they have a different agenda other then a peaceful walk with their pet.  
  
Wandering lost in a town full of frowns  
  
Sad, drunk and poorly Dogs digging up the ground  
  
Typical. I finally make it back to Hogwarts (I had to use a fireplace and flu powder) and I have to face the wrath of McGonagle for being late to Transfiguration. I'm only half an hour late, what's the big deal? Looking around the room I can see my fellow Slytherins giving me worried looks, as if they really give a shit about what happens to me.  
  
So here I am in Transfiguration, trying to transfigure a crow into a dove, but my mind keeps wandering to Nevra. What am I going to do? I can't force myself to concentrate on anything; at least when I was drunk I didn't give a crap about anything. Emotions have never been good for me to deal with, so when I get a mix of emotions like I have now (love, sadness, loneliness, anger, etc....) I'm not sure how to go on about life. Am I supposed to grin and bear it? Should I talk to people about it? Is this depression? Is Nevra going through the same things? I can't be too sure. Looking out the window I can see that the sky matches my mood- gray and miserable. At times, if it hadn't been for her, I would have ended my life.......it's a good thing she's still out there, somewhere. It's thanks to her I feel like I can make it one more day.  
  
And I feel the light in the night and in the day  
  
And I feel the light when the sky's just mud and gray And I feel the light when you tell me it's OK 'Cause you're so great, and I love you  
  
Heading down to the Great Hall can get anyone riled up. Huge crowds of students, Professor's keeping a close watch on your every move....and people seem to think it's the perfect time to start something with you anyhow. I'm minding my own business, as I almost always do (I admit, I've been known to start something more then once) when someone yells out "Hey, Ferret!". I whirl around (I'm the only person in the school who would have such a nickname anyhow) and I'm suddenly face-to-face with Weasel. How interesting....a weasel versus a ferret....I wonder who shall win? I smirk a bit and watch as Weasel attempts to pull of a smug look, which fails on him quite badly. My smirk doesn't wear off until he speaks. "So, we all heard about your family's 'situation' with a certain servant over the summer. And frankly, we Gryffindor's have a question for you." My face sets in a stony expression as he speaks, but soon sets into that of pure anger when he asks his question. "Did you all have some sort of tryst with her, or was did she turn insane some other way?"  
  
I immediately lose it. I push Weasel hard onto the floor and jump onto him, not caring that there are screaming Gryffindors and Slytherins surrounding us and cheering us on. I don't even care when Professor Snape starts screaming over the crowd, trying to get through. I don't even care that Weasel's punching and kicking me. All I care about is the fact that I'm ripping him to shreds, and I enjoy it immensely. The red krovvy is starting to seep through his clothes into mine, but I couldn't care less....I really bloody couldn't. He's in pain, he is suffering, and for once I'm not so much.  
  
All too soon I'm pulled away from my frenzy, and I'm being held tight by Severus. I do the next best thing to beating Weasel to a bloody pulp-I start screaming at him. "You have no right talking like that about her! Don't you DARE talk about her like some of disgusting whore, because you know nothing about her! You know nothing, Weasel! You here me?! NOTHING!" Professor Snape scowls darkly at me and takes me back to my dorm, where he locks me up in my bedroom until I calm down. Like that'll do any good....this just gives me more to riz-raz in my anger.  
  
I try to go to sleep a few times (after, of course, I completely massacred my room) but I just keep seeing Nevra screaming at me, or crying......or occasionally dieing. I don't think I can really stand to sleep right now, so I trudge over to Crabbe and Goyle's trunks, where I find a large assortment of foods and beverages; among them are two bags of tea and coffee grounds. I head back over to my bed, transfigure myself a teapot, fill it with hot water and I begin to brew myself something to keep me awake. Once I finish the tea and coffee, I'm shaking rather badly, and I'm not sure if it's because of what I drank, or if it's because of what happened. The only thing I absolutely know is that I wish I were dead. I can hear my fellow Slytherins (morons, every last one of them) down in the common room talking about what I did and laughing about how much Weasel screamed. Surprise, surprise......they all think I did it for their amusement. Sometimes I wonder how I'm still alive, and why I haven't succumb to death yet. I've decided to bring that up another day, as right now I'm in the mood to do something (damn you hyper-activity). Sweeping my eyes through my trunk I pick up 'A Clockwork Orange', a muggle book I've been getting interested in thanks to Nevra. I decide to sit down and continue where I left off- maybe Alex has some answers to my questions.  
  
Tea, tea and coffee helps to start the day  
  
Tea, tea and coffee shaking all the way City's alive, and surprise, so am I Tea, tea and coffee get no sleep today  
  
I finally finished the book (it's not that long, but I got interrupted a lot while reading it by.....things....over the summer) and it's near midnight. Looking around my dorm I can only see the dark masses of my dorm mates' backs heaving up and down as they snore. I lie on the floor and try to find light in the room, but unfortunately everything is blanketed in darkness. I hastily grab my wand, light it quickly, and stare at it from my position on the floor. Goyle (or maybe Crabbe...I can't tell sometimes) lets out a heavy snore and rolls over. I can hear it raining outside, even though I can't see out (the price I pay for sleeping in the dungeons) I can still hear the thunder. I think back to Nevra again, and how she would hold me close during storms like this.......giving me reassuring (yet quite simple) words such as 'It's okay'. I grab onto the light my wand is making and feel the slight warmth, imagining I'm with her again.  
  
And I feel the light in the night and in the day  
  
And I feel the light when the sky's just mud and gray And I feel the light when you tell me it's OK 'Cause you're so great and I love you  
  
I don't know what I'm going to do now that she's gone. I don't even know if I'll ever see her again-she was frail to start with, so she may not last that long in Azkaban. Thinking back through my muddled, caffeine exposed mind.....I can only think of one thing I wish I had done. I wish I had thought to tell her how much I really care about her....I wish I had one day simply said 'You're so great and I love you'.  
  
Wow....man did I crank this chapter out. I started like, thirty minutes ago and WHAM, it's done. Chapters to stories usually take me much longer because I'll get stuck a few times....but not with this one. Whoo. Oh, just a reminder, NO! DRACO DOES NOT LOVE HIS SISTER IN 'THAT WAY'! IT IS PLATONIC. I just wanted to clear that up. I mean honestly.....no matter how much you may hate a sibling, don't you want to tell them sometimes 'you're so great and I love you'? If you guys don't then you should consider it, because they could go insane one day and leave you like Nevra left Draco, and then what? Anyway, I would like to make some notes (lots of notes to be made, heh) and then I shall thank my reviewer....  
  
NOTES ON CHAPTER THREE  
  
The song- The song I used (in case you skipped my summary) is 'You're So Great' by Blur, and it's a very insanely good song with this grainy, garage recording type of sound to it. For full effect of the story, get that song and listen to it while reading it. I usually don't like doing songfics that much, but this one just fit so fucking well.  
  
Moloko with knives- Moloko is the Russian term for 'milk', and moloko with knives is basically milk with cocaine in it. I don't know if Draco would honestly ever drink something like that, but I wouldn't hold it against anyone who's depressed to try something of the sort.  
  
White Russian- This is a type of drink that I referenced in here as an homage to the movie 'The Big Lebowski', where the main character constantly drinks these things. From what I understand, it's usually made from cream (the type you put in tea or coffee) and vodka, but Draco didn't have really nice cream, so he just used moloko (milk).  
  
Krovvy- This means 'blood'.  
  
Riz-Raz- I'm not sure exactly how to interpret this....it's basically ripping something to shreds, destroying something.....stuff like that.  
  
'A Clockwork Orange'- The terms moloko, moloko with knives, krovvy and riz- raz were used in this book, and so I learned them from it. It's a very good book (in my opinion at least) with a lot of great Russian and British slang in it, which I thought Draco would use. The reason I have Draco reading it is because it has some interesting questions asked in it and some interesting similarities (in a weird way) to Draco's problems. You should all go grab this book right now and read it, because it's a wonderful story, and you get to learn some fun slang while you're at it.  
  
Now to thank my reviewer!  
  
Bryjin- THANK YOU! You are such a good friend, I could kiss you. Be sure to review this chapter as well!  
  
Oh, and for anyone reading this story but not reviewing.....I am angry at you. Very....very angry. I am afraid I will have to get psychic on your arse.  
  
REVIEW! 


	4. Secrets, Lies and Pain

Summary- When the going gets tough, the tough get scared. Are you confused? I bet. A look inside Draco's family.

Rating- R

Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter, but if I did that would be muy awesome.

Authoress Ramblings- Yargh. I am so bloody pissed off at , I really am. I looked at how chapter three of my story turned out, and guess what I find! I find that the lyrics to my song were NOT in italics like I had originally put them, and I noticed that the story was not SPACED CORRECTLY. I'm sorry....I'm not in a very good mood.....maybe it'll work for the best to have me writing this particular story in a sad mood.

Part Four- Secrets, Lies and Pain.

"When the road if full of nails, garbage pails and darkened jails, and their tongues are full of heartless tales that drain on you. Who would ever notice you?"

-'Nobody's Fault But My Own' by Beck.

When you scramble the letters in 'funeral' you'll get 'real fun'.... I got news that my sister, Nevra, died while I was in Potions two days ago. My oafish 'friends' Crabbe and Goyle were making obscene jokes about random girls when my old house elf Dobby walked into the room. No one noticed him at first as a thick fog had clouded the room from our potions...actually, if it hafn't been for Professor Snape (my godfather) I don't think I would have ever noticed the elf.

"What are you doing here?" Snape's voice was low and growling as he leered through the fog; he leaned forward menacingly upon his desk as he glared down at something close to the floor. A few people looked around, and someone with a familiar voice behind me called out "Dobby?!".

By the time I realized he was there for me, the entire class had noticed the damned elf (I don't dislike Dobby, but I do find him quite annoying). It's hard for me to remember this particular day in detail, but I know what basically happened next; Dobby and I somehow journeyed into the hallway before he immediately broke into a frenzy of words.

It took me a great amount of effort to get all of the details from him (he kept slamming his head into a wall), but he managed it all out eventually. Dobby told me a tale of hearing things he shouldn't have...that my sister died...my mother and father didn't care...the entire time he stared at me with his large green eyes that were over-whelmed with tears. Remembering that moment is hard; all I can see is his huge eyes...waiting sadly for a response...I can't remember what he said to me when I didn't say anything; I just remember his eyes.

The next thing I remember was screaming at the house elf that he was a filthy liar, but we both knew I was just venting. I could have riz-razzed everything to pieces at that moment, but I held back long enough to charge up the stairs to my headmaster's office. On the way there a lot of different ideas were flashing through my head, and I wasn't sure how much longer I could last before I broke down entirely, though I had a feeling it wouldn't be long. Once I finally reached the entryway to Dumbledore's office, I quickly gasped the password while catching my breath (Snape tells me the new password at the beginning of each year) and stumbled onto the spiraling staircase. Thinking about his office now, I've never really liked it- it's too fucking busy and it's hard to concentrate on him half the time. Well, anyway, back to my story.

I didn't knock.....I didn't bother listening to even hear if he was busy; I was inside Dumbledore's office and screaming at him before he even had the chance to say 'Hello'. He sat back and watched me at first with those fucking sparkling blue eyes of his...twinkle ever present....then as he began to realize what I was on about, the twinkle was gone and his face set into that of stone. "What the fuck is this about my sister?! She can't be dead, she's barely been in Azkaban! Well?! Talk you starry piece of shit! I have a fucking right to know! If this is some sort of fucking JOKE?! Do you think it's funny to scare me like this?! Do you?! Talk damnit! Stop viddying me up and SAY SOMETHING!!!"

My headmaster slowly stood up from his seat, traveled around his desk and grabbed a hold of my shoulders. He didn't seem to care I had been malicious towards him....he didn't really seem to care that I was heaving heavily, or that my face was contorted into an expression of rage. He merely pulled me into a hug and began to rub my back soothingly. "I'm sorry, Mr. Malfoy...." I looked up at him with tears welling in my eyes, not wanting to hear the rest of what he had to say....but he said it anyway.

"She's gone."

"I may be color-coated, but that won't hide the fact that under shades of lifeless gray I'm painted darkest black."

-'Paint Me' by The Posies.

Two days ago I thought my life could get no worse.....but today proved otherwise. I first 'woke up' (I haven't been sleeping since I found out Nevra died), got dressed in the same shirt and pants I've been wearing for two days and left my room in an un-clean, sloppy mess. I feel kind of shitty for letting myself get so dirty, but I just don't have the energy to care enough to do anything about it.

I began to head downstairs when I suddenly remembered that today was the day of the funeral, and so I would have to wear my best suit instead of my leisurely attire. I felt like shit.....a weight seemed to have sunk into my chest.....my head ached from crying....and above all, I felt so fucking weak. I tried to tell myself to let it go......that plenty of people lose their loved ones, but I couldn't pass the feeling that deep down I was terribly, horribly sad. Questions flooded my mind as I picked my suit out from my wardrobe and stripped nude. Why did it have to be her? Why not mother, or father? Why not me? Was this all some sort of sick, disgusting joke? That at any moment, Nevra was going to jump out from behind a door, or from under my bed, and yell 'Surprise! I'm still here!'?

My fingers were numb, and I fumbled as I buttoned, un-buttoned and re-buttoned the same fucking button fifteen times in a row. The dungeons were always cold, but as it was now December I was practically freezing. To tell the truth, I still am.....it's fucking cold in here. Well, anyway......back to my tale.

I'm not sure how long it took me to finally put on my best pants.....my best shirt.....my best jacket, shoes, gloves, coat........I just remember looking like cal, and feeling like I was about to be very, very bolnoy. I headed down the steps from my dorm into the common room, where all the malenky first years were playing chess, or talking about how bloody cold it was. Sodding twats. I headed out the door in a stracky mood, ready to either fist someone right in their sodding gob, or break down with the old boo-hoos. Either way, I didn't think I'd be very happy with myself later on.

After a quick stop to calm down, I trudged down the stairs as slowly as possible in hopes that the stairs would never end (for if they ended, I'd be a good deal closer to the funeral, now wouldn't I?). I swore I felt someone viddying me on my entire descent down, but every time I turned around, I viddied no one. When the stairs finally came to an end, I walked slowly to the entrance of Hogwarts, turning every once in a while to see if anyone was there, but it seemed as though I was on my oddy knocky. I quickly ran outside into the snow, trudging along through the shin-deep snow until I reached a modest Hogwart's carriage, whose door opened upon my arrival. I stepped inside after kicking the snow off of my boots on the side step, and sat on the cushion-y seat. Before I knew it the carriage that was pulled by nothing was off, leaving me in a fit of nerves in the backseat.

Azkaban was icy cold in the visitor's room, but far worse in the cell blocks. To tell the truth, I was terrified of this place; the halls were quiet, cold (much like the hallway to Snape's classroom) and above all eerie. No matter which way I turned there were eyes upon me as prisoners pressed their faces against the bars with looks of interest or confusion as I walked past. Dry blood plastered the walls in jagged stains that left clean gaps in the middles large enough for a head or torso. My nose stung with the stench of blood and urine that floated out of cells and made the air feel sticky. Dear Merlin, this wasn't prison....this was hell.

I followed dirty signs down twisted hallways, made my way down a rickety flight of stairs, and wound up outside in the barricaded cemetery. I wandered over to a large oak tree that was coated in snow, and viddied who all had shown up.....to my surprise, I was all on my oddy knocky again. I waited a few minootas under the large oak for the care takers, then once I viddied them I waited patiently for them to carry my sister's coffin over towards me.

It was a nothing special coffin.....fuck, it wasn't even a coffin. It was a bloody crate.....she was lying in a bloody crate. My beautiful sister.....in a crate. It made my blood boil at the time, but when I saw her all of my anger seemed to slip away, including the entire world and everything but Nevra, and myself. Her lips were tainted blue....her purple hair pooled atop of a small pillow inside the box.....her skin, her once beautiful skin, was now icy cold and as white as snow. Her cheeks were tear stained.....her nails broken or completely missing (she most likely scratched them off on the walls). I gripped tightly onto her plain white smock, finding it harder and harder to stare at her dead form each passing second. It was like.....it was hard enough when it all could have been some horrid joke......but the moment it was real....the moment I knew that this was it, she was gone......I couldn't handle myself.

I screamed, cried, kicked the oak that loomed over my shoulders. I even threatened to _avada kedavra _the caretakers if they dared to take her away from me. But alas, they did.....they held me away and took her to a small gravesite beside a dieing willow. It was like I was trapped in a whirlwind of emotion when I had no wings to fly, or I was singing in an ocean with no ability to swim to safety.

I was a lost cause.

I was shown the death certificate, and glared at the cause of death; she supposedly died of illness. Illness my sodding arse. I signed it anyhow, making the lying paper true, and was escorted back to the carriage that brought me. My teeth were chattering, my lips had turned blue and I couldn't feel my body by the time I made it back to Hogwarts. I was freezing on the outside, yes, but it didn't compare in the least to how dead I felt inside.

I didn't make it very far from the door. I decided to collapse behind a statue, which is where I've been for the past three and a half hours or so. So here I am, lying limply on the ground and thinking over anything and everything that could ever make me feel depressed about losing my sister. It's amazing how many things remind me of her. Songs, poems, stories, words, phrases, certain people.....and it's amazing how depressed it can all make me feel when summed into one great big fucking mess. One song in particular sticks out...'Paint Me' by The Posies.....she was always a huge fan of that group (I always found them a bit too depressing or weird for my standards, but she loved them) and she absolutely drove me crazy with that song. At the time she teased me about my finding it so disturbing, but now.....now it's a thousand times worse then 'disturbing'. It was a quirky, almost bouncy song....but fuck it haunts me like a slow death march.

I've never felt so fucking wretched in my entire life.....and I've never felt more paranoid, either. I swear I can feel someone viddying me from somewhere, but every single time I sneak out from behind the statue, I see no one. I wish this fucking superstition would go away with the pain, the anguish.......fuck. I'm so fucking depressed. I don't know what to do anymore. Should I try to go on? No, I would feel like shit. Should I stay depressed? I can't live like this forever.....I'm so lost. I don't know how I can go on knowing that she's gone.....that I will never see her alive again...I will never hear her voice again. It hurts too much to handle. What I really hate is I can never tell anybody about this, or else they'll know the most beautiful and most horrible secret in my life.

The secrets, the lies, the pain.....will they ever end?

Wow did that depress me. I'm already depressed to begin with as an old friend of mine died about....well......two days ago, and I'm going to the funeral any day now. I feel more like Draco then ever, heh. Anyway, I have lots of notes to make for this chapter.....which I'm not exactly looking forward to, but I always have to throw crap into stories, so now I must make notes. Anyway, read the notes if you want to have any chance at understanding my story.

...a familiar voice behind me called out "Dobby?!".- Come on, people....how many students that sit behind Draco actually know who Dobby is? Not many. We can probably take a fucking guess as to who said this one, hmm?

Starry- Good ol' nadsats. As you can see (as you read the bleedin' story already) this chapter has many more nadsats terms in it then last time.....this particular term means 'old'. In case you're wondering why Draco is speaking so much nadsats, it's because after you read A Clockwork Orange, or watch the movie, I almost guarantee you will be speaking nadsats for a while....I sure as hell did (and still do).

Bolnoy- More nadsats. This means 'sick'.

Sodding- This is simplistic English slang people....c'mon. It means 'fucking'.

Stracky- Even more nadsats! Whoo! It means 'horrible'.

Fist- In the sense I used it, this meant to punch. It's more nadsats lingo.

Gob- Yay nadsats! This means 'mouth'.

The old boo-hoos- Jesus Christ Superstar I used a lot of nadsats. Anyway, this is crying.

Oddy knocky- MORE NADSATS. This particular term means 'alone'.

Minootas- I think we've all heard this somwwhere or another, but in case you have not, it means 'minutes'.

Well, that'll do it. Yep. Mhm. Oh, I apologize for the last update I had on this story....it was depressing and all, but I felt like you should all know exactly wot I'm going through before you get pissed at me for not updating. But, as you can see, I am updating, so all is happy again. Now I think I shall answer those reviews, even though I said I would not.

Bryjin- Awesome, I shall check out your story. Yes, BAD bad Ron! We are angry at you, Ronald Weasley! GRR! And you are quite welcome for the update, hee.

DR 138- Thank you, Dead! I very much appreciate it! I'm glad you really like this one (to tell the truth I really like this one) and I hope you continue to read it.

fairy-dust3- Yes.....I put in a new character interesting and good for reading, and then I go and kill her off ::sweatdrops:: I'm so bad. And THANK YOU! I was so sick of these stories where Draco is all.....blah. I wanted to make him angry, make him sad...make him love ::birds tweet, wedding bells go up:: SHUT UP! Er...yes. Anyway, I'm really happy you're loving this story! Yes, A Clockwork Orange IS an awesome book. You see the similarities in problems? Thank goodness...I was afraid I may be the only one! Anyway, keep reading, keep reviewing, and you will be my bestest friend, lolo.

nicole w- Well....you er...found out what happened to Nevra. Poor thing, she never stood a chance in my story, did she? Oh well......I do this a lot, so I guess it doesn't effect me very much anymore. Anyway, glad you like the story, and KEEP READING!

Kairi099- Fine...I will not get psychic on your arse, but only this time! Bwaha, I just kid. I am SO happy you lovelovelove this story so far! Yes...it is interesting he randomly wakes up not knowing where he is.....that happened to me once, and frankly I was really scared. Then I remembered I spent the night at some friend's house and blah blah blah, but it was still scary. Anyway, I love you, I kiss you, keep reading and reviewing!

Well, I do believe that is it. Keep reading, reviewing, and above all.....keep loving me, MUWAHAHAHAHA.

Over and out from Whoa Tamo, Psychic Spade.


	5. Boy on a String

Summary- When the going gets tough, the tough get scared. Confused? I bet. A look inside Draco's family. NOTE- The song in this chapter is 'Boy on a String' by SWAG; this chapter is written through Harry's POV.

Disclaimer- I do not, I repeat I do NOT own Harry Potter, I am not making a profit from this story and if I were I would still completely give all credit to J.K. Rowling.

Authoress Ramblings- For this rambling I think I'm going to discuss where I got the idea for this rather fucked story. Well, I'm actually writing a novel at the moment called 'The Marona's', and this story is like a faster paced, miniature version of my book. I just wanted to say that if ANYONE complains this chapter wasn't long enough, I will screw your eyesocket with a cork screw! I worked HARD on this chapter and it's WAAAAAAAY longer then the others. DEAL! And on that note, we cue the story.

Part Five- Boy on a String

It was just supposed to be another normal day. You wake up, take a shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, go to class. It was simple, right? Wrong. Today was as fucked as it could ever get....I'm not even sure what exactly happened, and I know it was fucked. I suppose it began in Potions, when we were working on a rather basic lubricating serum.

"It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again." Seamus kept repeating in a creepy voice, laughing a bit with some others....I didn't really get it, to be honest, but I laughed anyway until Snape hissed at us to get back to work. A thick fog was seeping higher and higher above our heads as we worked, making it nearly impossible to see what else was going on. I heard the door open and close, but didn't think much of it as it could've been someone going to the bathroom, or it could have been Neville running off to the hospital wing again.

Professor Snape stood up from his desk; I knew this because his chair creaked when he stood up, so I knew without really having to see him. Anyway, I was hastily working on finishing my potion, thinking that he was about to examine and grade them now, but I was surprised when he let out a low growling. "What are you doing here?"

Everyone around me immediately began to sweep their eyes around the classroom, trying to spot who Snape was directing this to. At this point I spotted two rather ugly ears through the fog, and leaned forward quickly to get a better look at the owner. I nearly knocked over my potion whilst jumping backwards into my chair once more at the realizations of who it was. I called out loudly through the fog in a surprised, and bewildered voice. "Dobby?!"

Ron and Hermione leered through the fog, turned to me and nodded in agreement, as if they had to see if my outburst were correct or not. Everyone around me began to bustle and murmur loudly; a few people were already beginning to spread the news that it their unwanted guest was a house elf, and quite a few girls shrieked 'It's so cute!' in high-pitched, rather obnoxious voices. I rubbed my temples, hoping for dear Merlin either Dobby would leave so I could get on with my life. To my surprise, my wish was answered and the house elf left....with Draco Malfoy hot on his tail. Memories of Draco's father, Lucius Malfoy popped into my head....actually, it was more of his cruelty towards the house elf that came to mind, and even though Dobby annoyed me to no end, I didn't want something bad to happen to him, especially in the clutches of the Malfoy's once more. I jumped to my feet and moved close to the door, receiving odd looks from Ron and Hermione, but I ignored them like the great friend I've been lately and took a new seat right beside the door, so that I could hopefully hear what was going on outside the classroom.

What happened next was very, very odd. There was a soft thumping noise coming from the other side of the door, as if someone kept hitting the door or wall. This went on for a little bit, then there was a long period of silence. I began to continue working on my potion, but I didn't get very far; I jumped in my seat and dropped a container of rose petals I had been mashing onto the ground, where it crashed. What made me do this was the sound of Malfoy's voice floating in from the other side of the door.....what he said still sticks with me.

"You filthy liar! You disgusting piece of shit! What kind of sick joke is this, hmm?! Who told you this?!!!!" There was a short pause before Malfoy screamed out again. "Dumbledore told you?! You'd better not be lying, you bloody bastard!!!!" I then heard a muffled 'smack', then the sound of footsteps running off.

I looked around to see if anyone else had heard what I had, but they were all back to their potions, and didn't seem to notice. Without a second thought in my head I jumped up from my seat and ran out the door in time to see Dobby shaking beside a wall in fright. I cautiously approached him, turning back every once in a while to make sure Snape hadn't come after me. I crouched beside the house elf and lightly rubbed his head. "....Dobby? What happened?"

Dobby gave me a scared, bewildering look, then slowly moved away from me. "Harry Potter.....Dobby only gave a message, Harry Potter, Dobby swears!" I raised an eyebrow, but Dobby continued before I could ask what he was on about. "It's not Dobby's fault Master Draco Malfoy didn't believes Dobby.....Dobby's not bad, Dobby swears!!!" I nodded slowly as the house elf went on fumbling and bumbling, but nearly choked when he said- "Maybe Harry Potter can help Master Draco Malfoy calm down...."

I checked my ears to make sure I was hearing correctly, then asked cautiously "Dobby.....what do you mean?"

Dobby's eyes widened, and he began to hit his head against the nearby wall. I grabbed him before he seriously hurt himself and insisted he told me. When he finally did, I was flabbergasted. "Master Draco Malfoy has great respects for Harry Potter, he does. He has great, great respects." When the house elf finished speaking, I looked to my left, then right, and then back to Dobby. Was her serious? Well, he had to be I supposed, because he was Dobby after all, and I don't think Dobby lies.

"Great respect, you say?"

"It's over. You don't need to tell me. I hope you're with someone who makes you feel safe when you're sleeping tonight. I won't kill myself trying to stay in your life......I've got no distance left to run."

-'No Distance Left to Run' by Blur.

It's been two days since that strange day in potions, and I'm not sure what's exactly going on. All I know is that Malfoy has been acting very, very strange today.

It started earlier this morning when I decided to watch him to try and figure out what exactly was going on with him, as Dobby ran off (most likely to punish himself) before I could get any answers as to what message he had delivered. I was curious....just curious, nothing more. I mean why else would I be watching Malfoy? Well, anyway.....I decided to follow him secretly by using my invisibility cloak and The Marauder's Map. I noticed that everyday since 'that day' he had worn the same exact outfit- black slacks, a wrinkled dress shirt and sneakers......today, however, he was wearing a very nice (and above all, clean) black sweater, black corduroy pants, a black trench coat and black boots. Now, before you say anything, I only noticed the change in outfit because, like it or not, I've been worried about him.

Even though he was in nice clothing I remember he looked horrible. For example his hair was not gelled back, but rather down in a dirty, unkempt mess. I quietly followed behind him as he stormed up the stairs to the second floor bathroom (sadly, it's the nearest one to the dungeons), then waited until he was heading back down to the main hall before I stalked after him. He kept turning around, and I froze the first few times when he stared right at me, but then remembering I had my invisibility cloak on, I calmed myself and went on a bit quieter. He was going at a painstakingly slow pace, which annoyed me to no end as I already missed out on breakfast and wanted to head to the kitchens to get a quick bite to eat.....and maybe something to drink, if the house elves would let me.

His pace made me curious as well; why in the world would he go at such a freakishly slow pace? Why was he dressed up today? Why did he look like he didn't want to be here? Well.....anyway.....I followed him downstairs and out the door, where he trudged over to a coach, hopped inside after much deliberation with getting snow off of his boots, and then he was gone.

I spent the rest of my day like any other- I snuck into the kitchens and got some food (the house elves were told not to give me any liquor....I'll hurt whoever told them that), played a game of chess with Ron, got nagged at by Hermione about blowing off my homework, took three showers within the day (when it's cold like this I take a lot more hot showers) and then took my invisibility cloak with me down to the main hall every fifteen minutes or so, watching to see when Malfoy returned. Well, okay, so I don't normally wait around to see what Malfoy is up to, but like I said, I've been worried about him, so this day was a special exception.

Finally, approximately three hours later, Malfoy returned, and he was not easy on the eyes. He was beyond pale- he was white for God's sake! His lips had turned blue, he was shivering like hell.....it was a frightening sight, if I dare say. He could barely even walk.....he just collapsed behind a statue of a stone carved dragon. I sat there and waited until he came out, but when an hour went by and he was still behind the statue, I began to fear for the worst. Had he died? It wouldn't be that surprising, considering the way he stumbled in an hour earlier. I was about to head down the stairs to see what was going on when he suddenly crawled out from behind the statue, took a good long look around him, then crawled back behind it once more. At this point, I decided to leave him be and head back up to my dorm room.

During supper I headed downstairs with the few Gryffindor's that stayed for the holidays, and sat down at the long table reserved for us. I looked up and down the table, but didn't see Malfoy anywhere. I almost asked Pansy Parkinson (who had been planning to go to Aspen with her parents, but was left out of the trip due to her poor grades) if she had seen him, but stopped when I realized how weird it would be of me to ask that, and the fact she would most likely insult me. I ate quickly, wandered out of the Great Hall inconspicuously and kept an eye open for the blonde; I didn't have to look very hard before I found him huddled behind the statue. I decided to leave him be......after all, he had to come out sometime, right?

Wrong.

I went back upstairs to my dormitory to take my nightly bath with Ron and Hermione questioning me all the way.

I tried to get to sleep after I bathed, and even though I was extremely limp and weak...I couldn't get to sleep. Was it because I've been worried? Wait, what am I thinking? Of course not! I've probably got insomnia is all...yeah, that's it, insomnia. Er...anyhow, I pulled my invisibility cloak out from my school cloak pocket and slipped it over myself. I searched quietly around in the dark until I found my sneakers (they somehow wound up under Dean's bed), then left my dorm to go for a late night walk. I'm not sure why I wound up there, but there I was...standing in the main entrance...staring at the dragon statue...and a certain sleeping Slytherin.

This more-or-less brings us up to date. I'm watching him sleep, trying to decide whether or not I should wake him up. The 'hero' in me says to wake him up, the Gryffindor is unsure and the pissed-off side of me wants to kick him while he's down. I've decided to go with my first instinct and gently wake him up. "Malfoy.....Malfoy, wake up."

Malfoy's slowly waking up, and he looks terrible. His eyes are a bit puffy and red; his hair isn't gelled back, but rather tangled. His clothes have become wrinkled, and it's pretty obvious he hasn't bathed in a couple days. I have the strong urge to fix him up a bit, but on a second though I don't think that'd be a very good idea. I mean honestly, we're enemies! I shouldn't even be bothering myself with him, none the less making him look good.....what would someone think if they saw us? Yeesh Harry, get your act together!

He's staring at me with a confused look on his face. He's probably wondering what I'm doing here, how much I know...that sort of bollocks. He's still staring....this is beginning to scare me. It's creepy! I'll just turn around and-

Oh dear God. He's latched himself onto me. Okay....slowly slip out of his grip....he's going to kill you, Harry....why isn't he killing me yet? Turning towards him I see that his eyes are watering, and he's not latching onto me; he's giving me a hug. Hmm. What to do, what to do? Shove him away, or return the embrace? If I shove him away I might piss him off. If I return the embrace someone might see us and think I'm gay; or worse, they might think we're friends. God. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

"Shit. I'm sorry. It's just that with everything going on....I...." He's mumbling into my shirt and gripping onto me for dear life. I wonder if this is what happens when people go insane? "Sorry." He's let go of me and is hugging his knees to his chest now. I'm not so much creeped out anymore...just curious as to what's going on.

After a bit of thought I've decided to ask him about what happened....what? I'm just curious is all, I swear! "What's wrong?"

He looks over to me, then quickly back down to the floor. "Nothing's wrong."

Ptsh. Like I haven't heard that one before, and from myself even. "Don't lie to me, Draco...something is wrong."

He's shot his head back up and he's looking at me incredulously, but now he's set his eyes upon me with an icy glare. "How DARE you call me by my first name, Potter! You have no right, you fucking twat. Why do you even think something's wrong, hmm? Slooshy something in the urinals? Maybe you're just a lonely little bugger who's all on his oddy knocky, and you're desperate to be with someone Well guess what? Nothing. Is. Wrong. Leave me the fuck alone!"

Fine, I don't need to take this shit. "Fine, I don't need to take this shit." I'm not standing above him, letting my shadow loom over him. "I didn't understand half of what you said, but I can take a hint. You don't want me around, and that's fine by me. I was only worried, you nasty piece of shit, but I guess you're just going through some stupid phase. So whatever, go ahead and freeze yourself to death behind a statue, see if I care!" I've stormed away before he can retort. Heh heh...heh...er...why don't I feel good for telling him off? I feel like shit now. I can't believe I'm doing this...I'm heading back over to Malfoy. "Look, you'll feel better if you tell someone."

His eyes are glazed over and moist as if he's been crying. Oh dear God I think he has. Well, this is awkward. What to do, what to do...did I make him cry? I don't think I've ever done that. Oh, wait, there was Cho Chang. Ugh, that's not a pleasant thing to remember at the moment! Oh, he's about to speak...

"At this point, I feel like I'm one of those muggle puppets that they have on strings. Everyone makes me dance, they make me walk and talk, they make me look so entertaining. They make me smile, they make me play instruments, they make me sing...they make me live. There was only one person who never pulled my strings, but now..."

I look at him intensely with a look that asks him to continue, which he thankfully does.

"I don't want to live."

_Boy on a string..._

_Can you sing?_

_Can you play anything_?

_For the girl with the near perfect smile?_

I sputter. "You....you don't want to live? But why not?!" Malfoy's face is mournful as he crumples and smoothes over a newspaper clipping with a moving picture upon it. I sneak a peak and realize it's the girl who was taken away from Malfoy Manor during the summer. "Maybe I should go..."

He grabs onto my wrist and shakes his head slowly. "No.....no don't go."

And for a while... 

_Can you stay?_

_What's another day anyway?_

_For the girl with the near perfect smile._

"She...she was my life. I don't think I can rightfully make it on without her...she was the first person I ever loved who actually loved me back...and now what do I get? I get to be alone. I mean what the bloody hell good is love good for if the only one you cared for is gone?!"

_She was the one..._

_Who could shine like the sun._

_Please tell me what good is love..._

_If she's gone?_

I take a deep breath and I'm not sure what to say, so I'm letting him go on. "She was everything to me...absolutely everything. She was the sun, the moon, the stars, the sky...she was my life."

_She was the one..._

_Who could shine like the sun._

_Please tell me what good is love..._

_If she's gone?_

I lightly touch his shoulder, but he pulls away. "Malfoy...I'm so sorry...I know what it's like to-"

_Boy on a string..._

"No, you know what? You really don't. You have no bloody idea what it's like, Potter! NO IDEA!"

_Can you sing?_

He drops the newspaper article and has walked off bitterly, and I'm still sitting here confused on the marble floor.

_Can you play anything?_

Looking down at the picture in my hand I see that the girl is smiling up at me, but she looks 

_For the girl... _

Everything about her is flawless...even her near perfect smile.

With the near perfect smile? 

Okay, now you guys can NOT complain about this chapter being too short, because this sucker took forever to write, and it went on for EIGHT TYPED PAGES. Eight! For crying out loud! This took me FOREVER to write...forever and ever and ever. You all know, I mean come on, you had to wait for it. Well, as I have no officially finished this chapter, I am going to start work on the next chapter to Muggle Mania. I just wanted to say that because I'm now back in school, all stories will take forever and a half to complete. This chapter isn't even completely to my liking, but it's about bloody time I get this story out, so....yeah. I really hope they don't fuck up the spacing on my story! That pissed me off SO MUCH that the spacing got fucked in the third chapter. I mean it really made me angry....really really angry. Grr. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed my fucked chapter! Read and review!


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